I don’t want my husband to see me naked

Dear Pastor,

I am 19 years old and my husband and I went to spend a weekend together at a hotel.

I almost spoiled the weekend because it was the first time I was spending time with a man. I grew up as a Christian. I did not have sex until last year and it was in the back seat of my fiance's vehicle. We were in an area where the public could not see us. So when we started to play with each other, I could not even see my fiance's manhood and he could not see my vagina. But we played around and he took my virginity. I did not feel free to do anything in church; I sat on the back bench. I felt so guilty. We got engaged and I told my parents and my pastor that we were going to get married and they encouraged us to do so. We got married in a private ceremony; only my parents and a brother and his parents were at our wedding.

The problem I am having is that I find it very embarrassing to take off all my clothes in front of my husband, or to be in the nude in bed with him. Sometimes my husband wilfully turns on the lights in the bedroom after I have turned them off. He asks me what is it that I am hiding. When he does that, I roll over on my belly. I do not want him to see all of me in the nude. Although the nights might be hot, I still cover up and my husband asks me what's wrong with me. If I am going to the bathroom, I have to put something around me. My husband said that if he did not know that I am a woman, he would question himself to find out who I am.

So as not to embarrass my husband, please withhold my initials.

Initials Withheld.

Dear Writer,

Perhaps your husband and you did not attend premarital counselling, because evidently, you are ashamed of yourself and you need to get rid of your inhibitions.

Your husband should be able to see the full you - everything, and you should see him fully as a man. A married couple should not have to be covering themselves when they are in the privacy of their bedroom. It is indeed unfortunate that you are behaving as if you have something to hide. I would suggest that although your husband and you are married, that you find a marriage counsellor and have sessions with him or her.

Perhaps because of your inhibitions, you should ask your husband whether the counsellor could be a female. I doubt he would have any objection for both of you going to a female counsellor. Do so as early as possible.

Pastor