Boyfriend told his friendabout our sex life

Dear Pastor,

I am a 16-year-old girl and I have a complaint to make to you. I am living with my parents. I have two older sisters and my brother is the youngest child. We are a quiet family. We do not mix with other people, but we do go out to functions, especially when they are arranged by relatives and our church.

I am interested in a guy. I had sex with him twice and he told me that would be a secret between us. I did not tell anybody about it, but one of his friends who was always showing interest in me told me how I let him down, because I refused to give myself to him, yet I allowed his friend to take my 'cherry'. I was shocked by what he said. I told him he was making up a story, but he said he was not. He was able to tell me the date it happened and where the guy and I had sex.

I became very angry. I called my boyfriend and asked him why he had to talk about what we did. He said his friend was talking about me and he told him that he was wasting his time. He should take his mind off me because both of us have sealed our relationship. The guy asked him what he meant and he told him that we sealed our relationship by having sex. After he said it, he remembered that we had an agreement not to tell anybody. He told me he was sorry. He did not plan to say it, but it slipped out of his mouth. He said it will not happen again. He also said that he was going to tell the guy that he lied.

I love my boyfriend, but I have stopped talking to him for about two months now. Sometimes I think that I should forgive him for his mistake. He was bragging how he was able to have sex with me and this other guy, who was asking me for sex from I was 15, did not succeed. Before we had sex, I told him that I did not want to have anything to do with a man because I am still in school and I did not want to get pregnant; so he walked with his condom. When he took my virginity, it was painful, but when we had sex the second time, it was enjoyable.

My sisters and I talk about men all the time. My older sister is sexually active and her boyfriend comes to the house. She said that he takes her to a hotel when they want to spend time together. She is a university student, with one more year before she graduates. Her boyfriend is a policeman.

Although I love this guy who had sex with me, he has me confused because I don't like anybody who talks about something that was so private. I don't think I should have sex with him any more.

R.M.

Dear R.M.,

Evidently this young man was showing off. He was trying to prove to the other guy that he was able to conquer you and take you to bed.

What he told him did not 'slip out of his mouth'. He was trying to make a point, which he succeeded in doing. He did not keep the promise that he made to you. The young man who called you was deeply disappointed because he still believed that one day he would conquer you. Now, you do not know if the young man will tell others what transpired between your and your so-called boyfriend. But even if he does, you are not under any obligation to explain anything to anybody. It is none of their business.

You should not always believe promises made to you by young men. Some may even go down on their knees to convince you that you ought to have sex with them. Then, after you have done so, they laugh and move on to another girl. So be very careful in the future. Try to focus on your schoolwork.

Pastor