My husband insists that he wants a son

Dear Pastor,

I am 31 and my husband and I have two daughters. Both of us are working. My husband is interested in having another child. My husband believes that he should father a son. I am not interested, so I am protecting myself from getting pregnant again. He says that he wants a boy to carry his name, because his two daughters are likely to get married and their names would be changed. I told him that their names do not have to change even if they get married.

My husband told me that he is willing to try to get a son with another woman. At first when he said it, I did not take him seriously, but he has said it to his relatives. I have warned him that if he gets another girl pregnant, I will leave him. We are just trying to build a life together. We are in serious debt. We both have cars. We have a piece of land and we are planning to build on that land. I earn more than my husband. We cannot afford to support another child. Sometimes when I get home I am so exhausted, and he too has a hard time keeping up with the children.

I am ashamed to say that sometimes when my husband is making love to me, I fall asleep. There are also times that I wish he could hurry up and ejaculate and allow me to sleep. I do not reject my husband; I try to make love to him as often as possible. We do it at least three or four times a week. But he wants it so often that I do not even bother to sleep in underwear. But I would not accept another child from my husband.

I have spoken to my doctor and I told him that I want to stop myself from having children. He said that is a decision that my husband and I should make. However, I plan to do so because I do not need his consent. Whenever I am ready to tie off, I will tell him, but I will not ask for his permission. Why is it that some men believe that they should have at least one son? I see how much pleasure the girls bring to my husband, yet he is saying that he wants me to give him a son.

D.M.

Dear D.M.,

Your husband has already given you the reason why he wants to father a boy. It is the same reason that many men have.

They want their name to live on, so to speak. They seem not to realise that even when a woman is married, she does not have to carry her husband's name. Many professional woman in Jamaica do not even use their married names.

I hope your husband won't be stupid and impregnate another woman, hoping to have a son. He would be destroying his marriage. I know a famous political leader who divorced his wife because, according to him, she was unable to give him a son. Imagine a man divorcing his wife because she did not have a son!

Your doctor has advised you to discuss with your husband the possibility of doing a tubal ligation operation. You do not seem to believe that you are under any obligation to tell your husband about your plans. However, your doctor is right in making that suggestion to you.

Pastor