Dad doesn’t trust my brothers with his money

Dear Pastor,

My father is 75 years old. My mother has passed on. I have two brothers and one sister. From I was young, my siblings used to say that I am my father's pet, but that was not necessarily the case.

My father could trust me. He had my sister's, who is now living in America, and my name on his account. I told my father that he can also put one of my brother's names on his account, but he says that he will not do so. I will not tell any of my brothers that I suggested to my father that one of them should go on his account, but he has refused because they would curse. They would not do so to his face because our father is a wonderful man. My parents worked hard and gave us a good education. We grew up in a very comfortable home. My father still gets around well, but he is living alone, so we have employed a full-time helper and she lives in the house and takes care of him. I go to see my father every week and I talk to the helper every day. He is in fairly good health, but his eyes are failing him. He has a good appetite. The helper told me that sometimes my father can be out of order, but she does not take him on. When I asked her what she meant, she said nothing, so I didn't push. Growing up, my father loved girls, so I don't know if he 'put questions' to her. But she is a big woman.

I am married, but I will not take the risk to put my husband's name on my account. My husband withdrew money and spent it on women. So I know why my father doesn't want to put my brothers' names on his account. I have a friend who put her son's name in her account. When she went to the bank, more than $20,000 had been withdrawn, and her son was not able to tell her why he withdrew so much money. So my father is not taking that risk, but I have never interfered with his money. He has more than enough in his account to give him a good funeral. So far, he pays the helper from his pension. He is able to eat well. My siblings and I make sure that the house is in good shape. Some of his friends pick him up sometimes and take him out, and he likes that. He does not drive any more, but he has a car that he allows his helper to drive and to take him wherever he wants to go, including the barber. He is a very smart man.

I once jokingly asked my father if he would marry again and he said no woman can take the place of my mother, so I have never raised the issue again. The doctor told him that he is going to live for many years, so when I talk to him about putting one of my brother's names on his account, he said he would consider doing so when he is ill and can't move around, or if I plan to migrate.

R.M.

Dear R.M.,

Please don't try to force your father to do what he does not want to do. I understand your concern, but your father does not feel comfortable in adding any more of your siblings to his account.

You know that anything can happen to you or to your father, and both of you might not be able to have access to his account. But if he is not comfortable in adding anybody else's name to the account, don't make that an issue. Some years ago I knew a man. He was an educator. He was the principal of a prestigious school in Jamaica. He was not married, but he had a substantial amount of money in the bank. He suffered a stroke and his relatives begged him to add the name of a relative on his account, but he didn't. His condition got worse and he died without adding a name.

Many of us know that one should not have only his or her name on their accounts, because anything can suddenly happen and the account is suddenly tied up. Sometimes bills are to be paid, including doctor or hospital bills. But some relatives cannot be trusted; some are crooks. Even some children will withdraw money from their parents' accounts without their knowledge. I get these calls so often. I can tell you many stories about what children have done to their parents and how parents have gone to their peers with a broken heart.

What I suggest that you do is to encourage your father to write a will if he has not done so as yet. He can protect himself on his account. I wish you well.

Pastor