Girlfriend is trying to run my life

Dear Pastor,

I am 18 years old and I read your column every day. My father always buys THE STAR, so I have been reading it.

I have learnt a lot from it. I am a Christian. My father is an elder in our church. My mother died five years ago and my father said that he would not marry again because he didn't believe that any other woman would treat him as well as my mother did. I never heard my mother and father arguing. If my father was upset about something, he would just walk away.

I am in university. My desire is to be a lawyer. I am doing well in my studies. I have a girlfriend; she is older than me. My father treats her like she is his daughter. Whenever we have a disagreement, she complains to him. She is very jealous. She thinks that I am too popular with other girls. When I told my girlfriend that she is the only woman that I have sex with, she told me I was lying. It was only after I had sex with her that she believed me. Then she told me that I should forgive her for accusing me of having other girlfriends. Now, she has told me that we have sealed our relationship by having sex. I am an only child, but whenever I get married and begin to have children, I would love to have about four. My girlfriend agrees. She comes from a small family also.

Recently, my father bought me a car and my girlfriend says that she does not want any of my friends to travel with me unless she is with me. I really love her, but I am getting fed up because she wants to control every move I make, and I cannot handle that. I don't know what's happening, so I am writing to you for your advice.

A.E.

Dear A.E.,

I am sorry to hear that you lost your mother when you were a teenager. But your father did his very best for you.

He decided that he would not be involved with any other woman. Now that you are an adult, I hope that he would change and get himself another woman. I wish you well in your studies. You have found a woman, but you have a right to be concerned, because she is behaving as if she wants to control your life in every way. Her age shouldn't be a problem. Nothing is wrong if a woman is a little older than her man. But what she is doing is trying to push you here and there, and to try to control your every move. You should put your foot down and tell her that you will not tolerate what she is doing. You have a right to choose your friends and to go wherever you wish. She is behaving as if she does not trust you.

She is always complaining to your father, but you have a good relationship with your dad. So when she tells him that she wants to be with you everywhere you go, what she is really trying to do is to watch you. But you know you are not a bad guy, so ask your father to talk to her and tell her that if she does not stop harassing you, you will have to end the relationship. You must do so if she continues to accuse you of things you are not doing. Your father should remind her that you are an adult and he cannot, or should not, listen to her.

So, she should stop complaining to him about everything.

Pastor