My brother took my virginity

Dear Pastor,

I am 27 years old and I have been planning to write to you to tell my story. Please do not condemn me.

I grew up with my parents, who were not married. They were very poor. There were four of us as children. My father was a farmer and my mother did dressmaking. Our home was very small and with our mother doing her sewing, the house was always filled with material from people who wanted her to sew for them, especially to make school uniforms. Sometimes we did not have much space. Sometimes our brothers had to sleep with us girls.

When I was 17, one of my brothers and I had to sleep on the same bed and we started to play with each other. I told him that we shouldn't be doing that, but he continued to touch me. My other sister was sleeping on the floor. She didn't know what was going on between us. But my brother and I had sex that night when he followed me to the outside toilet. I cleaned up myself with my rag and toilet paper and I went back to bed. We promised that it would be our secret for life. That brother and I have remained very close and whenever I need financial help, he is always there for me. I always remind him that he was my first.

One day my sister asked me if any of my brothers ever tried to molest me and I told her no. She said one of them tried to have sex with her, but she warned him that she would tell our father, and so he never tried again. I did not tell her what I did. When I met my present boyfriend and we were talking about sex, he asked me if I ever had sex and I told him yes. I said I had a previous boyfriend. But I have never told anyone that the man I was talking about was my brother. We had sex several times. Do you think that we will be forgiven for what we did?

Initials Withheld

Dear Writer,

You will always remember that you had sex with your brother and he took your virginity.

I am not saying that you should fret over it, because it is in the past, but it is not something you can wipe out from your memory. However, you were old enough to know that what both of you did was wrong, very wrong. You grew up in a poor environment. That does not mean that you could not have high standards. Your brother did not have to take advantage of the situation under which you lived. It seems to me that after having sex with your brother, you got to love him and had sex with him a number of times.

You want to know whether God will forgive you for what you have done, and the answer is yes. He will forgive you if you repent for what you have done. You must turn away from the sins you have committed and always look to God for help.

Pastor