I might have a grown son in Jamaica

Dear Pastor,

I hope all is well with you. My wife and I are doing well and we continue to listen to you on radio.

Your column helps us to keep up with our homeland - Jamaica. I will be retiring very soon, but my wife doesn't have to think about that for another three years. I would love to retire in Jamaica, but some of my friends think that I am crazy to contemplate living in Jamaica. We have a beautiful lot of land and we would love to build a house on it.

I am originally from St Ann, but my wife is from St Elizabeth. We have two daughters and they are in good jobs. Both are married. They did not marry Jamaicans. We would like to have a three-bedroom house, so whenever our children want to visit, we would have good accommodation. At the moment, I am depending on my younger brother to find a very good draughtsman on our house for us. We don't want anybody who would rip us off; we want honest and trustworthy people to work for us.

When I was a young man, I got involved with a woman in Jamaica. I knew the woman who is now my wife, but the relationship wasn't strong yet. So while I was talking to her, I was involved with another woman. Just before I left Jamaica, the young woman told me that I got her pregnant. I knew that she had a boyfriend, so she and I were stealing love on the side. I asked her what she was going to do and she said she was going to give him the belly and that was the end of the conversation.

About three years later, my brother saw her with the child and he told me that that child belongs to me. She asked him how she could get in touch with me, and he told her that he did not have my address or telephone number. He asked her what was wrong and she told him that it was something private between us. I did not make any effort to contact her. She got married to the man who she gave the belly.

But this problem is always on my mind. My wife and I have two daughters. I will not create any problem when I return to Jamaica, but I would like to know my son. I believe the child is mine. His mother told me that I got her pregnant. She did not want the other guy to know that we were playing around. He accepted the boy and raised him. But I would love to do something for the young man. I have never told my wife that I had messed around with another woman.

My wife and I had a wonderful relationship but I am not sure how she would react if she knows that I have a son although many years have passed.

N.P.

Dear N.P.,

Many years have passed indeed, but the years cannot wipe away the truth.

When the woman told you that you got her pregnant but she was going to give the belly to her boyfriend, you did not tell her that she should not have done so; you agreed with her. You got married to your present wife. So if you believe that you are the biological father of this young man, you should tell your wife the whole story. But you should also bear in mind that the woman is married and her husband took care of this child believing that he was the child's biological father. What a mix up!

It is a big risk to take because you might be destroying the woman's relationship with her husband. I am not prepared to tell you what to do; you will have to make that decision on your own.

Pastor