Friend cheated on her man after he hit her

Dear Pastor,

I am writing to you about my friend. She is 18 years old. I am 19. We have been friends for many years.

Sometimes we spend time together and sleep in the same bed. There is no secret that we keep from each other. When she met the man she fell in love with, she told me about it. I warned her that she should not be in a hurry to give herself over to him because she did not know whether he was for real. Her mother cautioned her about him, too. My friend said that every woman has to take risks and this guy seemed to be real. So, she was going to take her chances with him.

The guy was a policeman. He started out well with her, but after a while he became very jealous and wanted her to tell him her every move. He even suspected that she was cheating, but she wasn't. One day, he threatened to slap her because when he accused her of cheating, she told him what is between her legs is hers, so she can do what she wants with it. He told her that he won't allow her to talk to him in that manner, so he slapped her. I told her she should leave him, but she didn't.

Her father saw her crying and asked her what was wrong and she told him what this man did. Her father told him to leave his house and not return. I told her that she should not have answered her boyfriend that way. Her boyfriend came back to her father and told him that he was sorry for putting his hands on his daughter, and my friend told her father that she had forgiven him. But she was determined to punish her boyfriend. She told me that to punish him, she was going to get involved with another man because she is being blamed for something she did not do. She went to bed several times with a friend of her boyfriend. I told her she was wrong to do so.

The relationship is not going to last. But she said she doesn't care. This guy suspects that my friend went to bed with another man.

V.D.

Dear V.D.,

Your friend's boyfriend lost his temper after she told him that what is between her legs can be used in whatever way she wishes.

She made a big mistake by answering him that way. Many girls think that the way to punish their boyfriends who accuse them of having sex with other men is to become sexually involved with the men. But they fail to realise that men will never trust women who tell them that they will go to different men, whether they mean it or not.

In one of my counselling sessions, a client told me that her mother was loose. She didn't have good morals and her daughters became aware of it. When they spoke to their mother about it, she told them - I am trying to put it in a decent way - that what she has is hers and she can do whatever she wants with it. The girls lost respect for their mother.

Your girlfriend didn't listen. A woman should not agree to become friends with every man who comes around and proposes. Sometimes it might take many months, or even years, before a girl agrees to date a man. I hope that your girlfriend will learn from the mistakes she has made and not be in a hurry to find another man.

Pastor