I cheated and got pregnant

Dear Pastor,

I am asking you for your advice. I have a child who is 10 years old.

I met my half-Indian man while I was having a relationship with another man, so this Indian man knows that the child is not his biological son. But the child did not know that this man was not his father until he was about eight years old. It did not matter to the man because he was having an affair with another woman when I met him. But we went ahead and started a relationship; it was like a one-night stand. I missed my period and the doctor confirmed that I was pregnant. People started to say that I gave this man a jacket.

When my son turned eight years old, I told my half-Indian man who took him as his child that we should explain everything to the boy. But now I am pregnant again for another man. I am deeply embarrassed because this man is not asking me to leave, but I know that I cannot stay under this situation. This man treats me very well. I don't know what got into me. My sister has promised to help me. I know I can't stay here, but I don't want to leave my son behind.

This man has a good account for my son. He is attending a very good school. These days, this man doesn't say much to me. The doctor says that I am expecting a girl. So I know I can't stay here with this man. Sometimes when he is not saying anything to me, I feel so scared. I wonder if he would hurt me. I feel like running away.

G.N.

Dear G.N.,

I have observed that you have not said anything about the relationship that you developed that has caused you to allow a man to impregnate you while you are living with this present man.

This half-Indian man is treating you well. You don't have any complaints about him, so why did you get involved with another man who got you pregnant? Is it greed? Is it more money you are looking, or is it sex? I don't want to put words in your mouth, but I am trying to figure out what's going on. Some men are able to provide financial support to their women. There is food in the house and shelter, but one thing is lacking and that is the 'sugar stick'. Women have been known to climb the mountain top to find the sugar stick. Is that your problem? If that is your problem, why didn't you try to protect yourself from pregnancy?

I am trying to cause you to think and what I am prepared to say to you now: you might need another person to sit with you and your man. Perhaps it could be somebody like a family counsellor or a pastor, along with your sister, who has offered to help you to separate from this man amicably. Tell him that you regret what has happened. In other words, apologise to him and say you wish to end the relationship in peace.

I hope that the good man who has helped you all these years with your son will continue to do so.

Pastor