Teen daughter has a 71-year-old sugar daddy

Dear Pastor,

This is the first time I am writing to you, I am a married man and I am very concerned about my daughter. She is just 19 years old and I told her that I don't have any objection about her having a boyfriend, but to my surprise, I just found out that her boyfriend is 71 years old.

I have been supporting her by giving her everything that she needs. Her mother left me and went to be with another man. She is the one who told me that her mother was seeing another man. We became very close because she was able to tell me everything, but this girl has learnt from her mother.

Her mother knew every trick in the book because when I was out working, her mother went out with other men. Now, this girl, who is only 19, is in a relationship with this man who married and has grown children.

When I found out that she and this man were going together, I called her quietly and asked her why is it that she is embarrassing me. She told me that that is not an embarrassment because the boyfriends she has had did not treat her as well as this man. I asked her if it is money she is looking and she said she is not really looking money, but this man can give her the extra things that she need. I asked her what are the extra things and the girl said she needs to be taken out to hotels, at times, and this man has a resort.

I asked, a resort?, and she said yes. He has two houses on the north coast and she can go there with him any time.

I found out from her that she has spent two weekends at his property with him. I called the man and asked him if he would like to have his own daughter to be with a man his age and he said that would not be any of his business if his daughter was of age. He also told me that the way I am carrying on, it seems to him that I want to have an affair with my daughter.

Can you imagine that? So I asked my daughter if I ever attempted to have a relationship with her and she said no, but the man said these things to me because of the questions I asked him. She also said that I need not fret because she would not allow him to get her pregnant.

My son is also living here with me, but he cannot talk to his sister. She told him that she is a big woman and he should mind his own business. I am very concerned about my daughter. I told her that if she won't listen to me, she would have to leave. She asked me if I don't want her to stay in the house and I told her that if she doesn't listen, she can't stay. She went into her room and closed the door on me.

Don't you think this girl is rude and out of order? I just want to hear from you, how I should deal with her.

L.W

Dear L.W.,

Well, as you have discovered, your daughter is very out of order. You are convinced that she is following the steps of her mother. Oh, what a shame! This man, who is now her lover, must be pleased that he has a young chick in his life. He should not have insulted you by telling you that you want your daughter for yourself.

One thing I know for sure is that you have the right to tell your daughter that if she would not listen, she may have to go. It is your house and you expected her to live at a certain standard. On the other hand, you can't force her to live the type of life that you expected of her. She is an adult. Many parents have had to allow their children to have their way. They don't like it, they don't like the way they live, but they can't do anything about it.

Throwing her out of her house will not change the way she wants to live. Therefore, I say to you, continue to talk to her and to tell her how disappointed you are in her, but don't threaten to throw her out.

The man with whom she is having a relationship may be glad to see you throw her out, because you totally give her what she wants, and she is so dumb, she will think she is really living a life on top of the world.

Pastor