Caught my daughter in bed with a man

Dear Pastor,

I am writing to you to find out if what I did was wrong. I am 53 and I am married to a woman who has three children.

I met her with these children and took them as my very own. They are two girls and one boy. The girls did well in school but the boy did not. I cannot give them bad name, they have been respectful. I have certain rules. The girls have boyfriends. I told them that they are not allowed to bring them in the house and have them sleep here. Their mother and I were offered a short trip outside of the island and we went. When we got home, nobody was expecting us. Our 18-year-old daughter was in bed with her boyfriend, and both of them were in the nude. The other sister was alone and our son was not there. I was so shocked. My wife begged me not to make an alarm, but I said to her, 'How could I keep quiet when this guy is in my house sleeping with our daughter?'

I raised my voice and that was when my daughter realised that we were home. I went back around to the room and by that time she had pulled on her shorts and the boy got up and said, 'Big man, you don't have to get on so'. That got me more upset and I ordered him out of my house. Our daughter was shaking; she said she was sorry and claimed he came to see her and he fell asleep. What is bothering me is that she was the favourite of the children. I told the young man not to come back to the house and my wife said that was not fair. She has asked me to forgive our daughter. I have, but I have not told her that.

How could a child bring her boyfriend into her parents' house and have sex with him? Is that a decent thing to do? And the out of order boy, asking me why I am behaving like that, as if to say that is not the norm. My wife reminded me that when we started going together, one Sunday evening I came to see her and both of us had sex in the garage, while her parents were sleeping and her little ones were in bed. Pastor, that was in the garage, but this girl was in my house. I can't get over it. I can still see the nude young man in her in bed.

She is doing everything in the house to please me. Recently, she asked me if I am still angry with her but I didn't answer. My wife has tried with these children. I am not blaming her for anything. She keeps telling me that the girl is 18, she is not a child, and that I should expect anything from an 18-year-old.

What do you have to say?

E.D.

Dear E.D.,

As I read your letter, I thought about a man who was very prominent in society.

He came to see me about his daughter. He was not well and his daughter was living with him at his apartment. He said he heard a strange noise, so he got up to check and he saw a young man having sex with his daughter in her room. He was not even aware that she was sexually active.

He called out to them and the young man was annoyed because he thought the girl's father was interrupting them. The response from the young man was not good and I can never forget that he said he had his firearm with him. This girl is his only daughter and she thought that her father did not handle the situation right. The relationship between them deteriorated and she left her father's place. He was left alone. When he came to see me, he was a broken man. His daughter felt that she was of age and her father had no right to talk to her about the man with whom she was having sex in his house, and whose sex noise woke him up.

Your wife reminded you that both of you took a risk and had sex in the garage of her parents' home. The difference there is that you were not seen. Children at times do crazy things, but we can forgive them. So I am asking you therefore, to forgive your favourite daughter. It is true that the young man did not respond to you well, but forgive him too. I am sure that the incident will not be repeated.

Pastor