My uncle is cheating on me with men

Dear Pastor,

I wrote to you before about having an affair with my uncle. I saw your response. I also read most of the comments under the article, and I must tell you that it's not easy for me to move on.

The fact is that I will not forget all that has happened between my uncle and I, unless I am diagnosed with amnesia. The thing is, the less I see him is the more I miss and want him close to me. Whenever I see him often, I don't feel that much for him. He is old now and not as good-looking as before, but I am still attracted to him. Somehow I feel attached to him, as if he has a hold on me.

Pastor, I have told his wife about us, but she didn't believe me. I even told my grandmother that he made a pass at me. She asked in what way and I told her he touched me. I didn't tell her the whole story that night.

The reason I did that, though, was because I thought he was gay. My uncle works with mostly men. Somehow I think he and his assistant is having an affair. His assistant is a young guy. I say this because whenever my uncle and I leave out from his workplace to book a hotel, the young man is always calling his phone. Even when he is suppose to go home, he waits until my uncle returns. He is not the only one I suspect; he has this friend that I also suspect he is having an affair with that lives nearby the workplace. My assumptions got to me and make me freak out that I wanted to hurt him -- not physically but mentally -- by telling our relatives about us.

I asked him if he is gay and he said no, but most of his phone calls are from men. Some of the conversations he has on the phone doesn't sound right. He always takes his son's or wife's calls around me, but I don't know when a male is calling because he can't take the call.

In my eyes, he was someone I looked up to, someone who I thought loved and cared for me, because I didn't have a father who cared for me. He is my father's brother. I love him, or I think I do. But honestly, I can't stop thinking about him. I keep having flashbacks of how we made love. He told me he is weak to me and that he cares for me, but he doesn't act that way. I know I am not the only one he is having an affair with, but he keeps lying to me that he is only sleeping with me and his wife.

I just don't know why my uncle picked me out of all his nieces to have an affair with, and choose not to love and care for me the way he should have. He exposed me to a type of sex and I thought I was special to him. I thought he chose me because I was what he needed. I know I betrayed him by telling his wife and my relatives about us, but it was out of anger. I didn't want to hurt him like that, even though he is still cheating. Sometimes I masturbate thinking about him, and scream his name when I climax. I don't know if therapy will help me, but I need to forget this ever happened between us. I need to wake up tomorrow and everything was just a dream. I don't think he ever deserved to have access to me the way I let him.

Initial Withheld

Dear Writer,

You are still very much in love with your uncle. From what you have written, it is clear you are hurt because you look at your uncle as not just cheating on his wife, but cheating on you.

You also believe that he does not only have women lovers, but male lovers. And for that, you are angry at him. You give the impression that if he had only kept you as his side chick, you would not be as angry with him. However, the thought of him having others as lovers is affecting you.

I do not doubt that although you love him deeply, you would love to end the type of relationship that you have with your uncle. I believe that you ought to see a psychologist, and that you ought to do so as soon as possible. However, for psychotherapy to work, you would have to want to end the affair with your uncle. Right now, you might be saying you want to do so, but you are not very sure you want to stop.

I know you are not crazy, and what I also know is that you love having sex with your uncle. He has done things to you sexually that no other man has ever done. You have enjoyed what he did and you even desire more. I am afraid, however, that if you do not get psychological help you may hurt yourself.

So please, get some professional help. And in the meantime, don't communicate with your uncle at all.

Pastor