Grandmother wants to steal my Christmas joy

Dear Pastor,

I am a 26-year-old woman and I have two children. I got married two years ago but not to my children's father. This man I got married to helped me with these two children because their father ignored me and he did not support the children.

I got involved in a church and I met this man who helped me to support the two children. People who didn't know us before would think that he is the biological father of these children; they are both girls. Everywhere he goes, he takes them with him. He is proud of them.

I would like to get pregnant by him but, so far, that has not happened. He told me that, even if he doesn't get me pregnant, he already has two girls already. He sends them to school and he likes to see them dressed up and go to church.

The reason I am writing to you is because the grandmother of these two children wants them to spend Christmas with her. She is the mother of their father. I asked her why she would want my girls to spend Christmas with her when their father is not in their lives. She said she expects their father to call her on Christmas Day and all her other grandchildren will be with her.

My husband says he wants them to be with us, so I should not let them go. I agree with him but this woman called me again. She is not taking no for an answer.

Another thing that is bothering me is that, if they were to go, I don't know how they would be treated and where they would sleep. They are not suffering, and although my husband doesn't want them to go, and I agree with him, I wanted to hear your opinion.

Their father has never called them on their birthdays and he has never sent them Christmas gifts. I do not get anything for these children from his side of the family. I hope that you will reply to my letter soon.

Pastor, we all love you. Merry Christmas, to you when it comes.

V.L

Dear V.L

First, I am glad to hear that you have found yourself in a church and that you have found your husband there. You are a very fortunate young woman. You have two children. And I say you are fortunate to find a good man because some men are reluctant in marrying a woman with two children. They think the responsibility would be too heavy on them. You have not mentioned what work your husband does, but he is clearly in a good position, and he sees these children as his own, and rightly so. I am sure that you are proud of your husband and these children will grow up to love him and to appreciate him as a father.

If their biological father cared for them, he would have tried to keep in touch with you and with them and he would have also tried to send you a little financial support for them. Good fathers always try to remember their children's birthdays and any special day in their lives. He has not behaved as a good father.

I support your husband. You should not allow these children to go and spend Christmas with their grandmother. You can take them to see her at another time but, for Christmas, they should be with you and your husband. Your husband and you are their parents. If their biological father wants to hear from them, he should call them at your house. Take your children to church on Christmas Day and take pictures. Have a lovely Christmas dinner and take family pictures and cherish those pictures.

Pastor