My husband is always broke

Dear Pastor,

I hope when you receive this letter you will be in good health. Happy holiday season to you and your family.

I am 35 and I have two children - a boy and a girl. I grew up with my parents. My father went to work in America and while he was away, a man used to visit us. My mother told me he was our uncle. I was only a child, so I didn't understand what was happening. My mother left her phone on the table and my father called. I answered and he asked me for my mother and I told him that she was upstairs with my uncle. He told me to call her. I ran upstairs and she and uncle were locked up in her bedroom. She asked me who was calling and I told her it was dad. She said she would call back.

My father asked me if my uncle was always coming to the house and I told him yes. After my so-called uncle left, my mother told me I should not have told him that she and uncle were in the bedroom. My mother called my father and told him that she couldn't take the call because she was in the shower. After my mother and father talked, my uncle no longer came to the house often.

When my father returned from America, he stayed at his mother's house. My mother begged him to come home, but he did not sleep at the house. My father always supported me. He went back to America and he divorced my mother and married an American woman. When I got older, my mother told me that the man she told me was my uncle was her boyfriend, and they have been friends since they were in high school. She got involved with my father who got her pregnant, but she has always loved this man. My father and his American wife do not have children.

I got pregnant by my coach. I told my mother who got me pregnant, but I never told my father it was my coach. This man and I got married and about a year later, he got me pregnant again. He tries to support his children, but most times he is broke. I have to be spending almost all my money on the children and paying other bills.

My husband knows that my father sends me money. I receive US$1700 from my father. He asked me if I had got any money from my dad and I told him yes, but I did not tell him how much. He has been asking me to lend him $100,000 to work on his car. He has been harassing me daily for this money. I know that I will never get it back because right now, he owes me a lot of money. I have been lying to him.

What do you think that I should do?

E.L.

Dear E.L.,

Tell your husband the truth. You did not say what type of work he does, but you should encourage him to get another job.

In Jamaica, males have to learn to hustle, and by that, I mean they can hardly depend on one job to support themselves, their wives and children. Your husband might have to learn to do something on the side. There are things that can be done to earn an extra dollar.

I knew a man who was in the civil service. I don't know how he found the time, but when we had an airline called Air Jamaica, it used to fly to Miami in the morning and then there was a flight back to Jamaica at nights. That man used to carry ground provisions and other things from Jamaica, sell them to Jamaican stores in Miami and Fort Lauderdale, and return to Jamaica on the last flight. One day I asked him how come he was able to keep his job as a civil servant, and he laughed and he assured me what to do. So I am telling you, tell your husband to learn to do other things to earn some money.

The money that your father sent for you, spend what you have to spend and put away the rest in the bank or buy some shares for the children. Let your husband know that you are not going to let him have your father's hard-earned money. Too many men rip their women off by borrowing their money and not repaying them. Get tough on your husband in 2025.

Pastor