These college guys are just interested in sex

Dear Pastor,

I am 18 and attending college. Since I started, I have been on a few dates, and I am experiencing exactly what my father told me to expect from guys.

On my first date, a male student took me to a restaurant. We had to take a taxi because he doen't have a car. He is 21. He doesn't have much spending money. His father lives in Jamaica, but his mother lives in the US. He depends on his mother to send him money every month, and because his father knows that, he hardly helps him. During the Christmas holidays, he had to work, and because he is working, his father didn't give him anything during that period.

When we went out, all he was interested in talking about was sex. He questioned me about whether I was a virgin or sexually active. I answered a few of his questions, and then I told him to stop - I was not in an interview for a sex job. He wanted to know why, at my age, I was afraid of sex. I told him I was not afraid of sex, but I never engaged in it. By the time we were finished eating, this out of order boy told me he knew a place where he can go and spend some time. Would you believe that the place he was talking about was a motel? I told him I was not interested in going there, and I would like to call a taxi to take me home.

I found out later that this young man had dated other girls from the college, and his aim was to have sex with them and tell the other male students how many he has conquered. I have not gone out with him again, neither do I talk to him when I see him on the compound. Another guy dated me and he was not much better. He told me that he could help me in certain subjects, but instead, he was talking about how beautiful I look in my pants. He said he wanted me to meet his mother. I told him that I will not go to his house because I do not know him well enough. I consider the time we spent together a waste of time.

I have been attending church since I have been away from home. I am interested in a church brother who is only 19; but he is respectful and speaks to me in a gentle manner. I have not told him that I like him. I asked one of the girls whether he has a girlfriend and she said she does not know. He is attending The UWI and he is very smart. Do you think I should ask him whether he has a girlfriend, or should I just hope that one day he would ask me for a date? Don't get me wrong, I am not eager for a man. But sometimes when I see my friends sending me texts and telling me about their boyfriends, I feel a little jealous.

C.M.

Dear C.M.,

I am glad your father cautioned you to be careful with some of these guys who behave like sharks.

These guys are not wise. They feel that when they meet young ladies or go out on dates with them, they must push these girls to have sex. That is the unfortunate experience that you had with the guy who took you out on your first date, but you were thinking, and you remembered what your father told you.

Now, the second man pretended that he can assist you with your schoolwork, and perhaps he could, but he could not control himself. A guy like that, you should not be alone with him at all. I am sure that you are going to be told to do group studies and assignments. Some guys love to meet in groups with other students, and their aim is not just to get the project done, but they always want to fool around the girls. Unfortunately, some do succeed in taking these girls to bed because the girls depend on them to do the assignments or group work for them. The guys do not do so for free.

You have been admiring a young man at church. You do not have to give him the impression that you love him. Get to know him in casual conversations. If you were to ask him if he has a girlfriend, he would become very suspicious of you. I think I have said enough on what you have written.

Pastor