I want land, but my fiancé wants a car

Dear Pastor,

I am 25 and my fiance is 26. We have been friends for two years and got engaged last December.

Our wedding date is not yet planned, but if everything goes well we should be married by the end of the year. My parents have asked us what we would like as a wedding gift. My fiance told me that I should tell them that a car would be nice. My parents have two cars. My fiance comes from a poor family and his parents don't have a car. My father is now retired. He takes me to work and I take a taxi home. However, many times I call him to pick me up. I do not like my father to be on the road very late at nights, but I also have a job as a part-time teacher.

My fiance is also a teacher. I have never stayed at his home for the night. I can if I want to, but I do not feel comfortable having sex with my fiance while his parents are there. Whenever we want to have a special time together, we prefer to pay for a room rather than have this man come to my parents' house and have sex with me. My fiance said that we are wasting money by doing so. I used the extra money I earn to pay for the room, but I have never spent a full night with this man, except when we go out of town. My parents see me as a big woman now, but I still have respect for them.

My fiance and I would love to have two children. My parents have six; I am the fourth. I am anxious to know how it would feel to have sex without using the condom. I have never met a more careful man than my fiance. I told him a couple of times that he can insert his penis in me without the condom, just for me to have the experience of how it feels. But he said that he is not ready to get me pregnant, and we laughed about it. I do not want to suggest that my parents should buy us a motor car as a wedding present. I suggested to my fiance that we can ask them to help us buy a piece of land to build a house. But he is eager for us to have our own car.

Right now, I have a friend whose father is selling some land. I talked to her father about it and he said that he would let us have a lot for which he would wait on us to pay him over a period of months. My fiance said he doesn't like the idea. He thinks that we should try and get a house through the National Housing Trust.

What do you suggest I should tell my father?

Initials withheld,

Dear Writer,

I hope your fiance will learn to reason and to see that it makes more sense to take the money that your father would give and deposit it on a piece of land, rather than use it to purchase a vehicle.

The value of the vehicle would depreciate, but the land would appreciate in value. Why should there be such a rush in buying a motor car? I do not mean to imply that you should not have a vehicle, but that can wait until both of you are able to comfortably maintain one. I suppose your fiance feels that having a vehicle would make him feel that he has accomplished something, and he would not have to be waiting on a bus or travelling in taxis everywhere. I suggest further that both of you should sit with your parents and reason this matter out. I believe your father would feel more comfortable giving both of you the money towards the purchase of available land.

I wish both of you well.

Pastor