Boyfriend wants to take me to the north coast

Dear Pastor,

I am writing to you for the second time. I have to turn to you for help because you are like a father to many of us young people.

I am still living at home with my parents but I have a boyfriend. He comes by to see me so my parents know him. He likes farming so one day, he offered to go with my father to the field. My father was very surprised when he offered to accompany him. My father told him that he leaves very early. He said he would get to the house before my father leaves. My father told him that he could stay at our house because he leaves at 5 a.m. My boyfriend agreed to sleep over from the Friday night and go with my father. I was very shocked. I knew that I had to give up my room and sleep with my sister. I reluctantly did so. This rude boy saw me in my short pajamas and whispered to me that I have pretty legs. I chased him away. In the morning, he woke up and went to the farm with my father, and when I asked him how it was, he said he had a grand time. They reaped yam, potatoes and he learnt much from my father on that day.

My boyfriend is in engineering, and he said he would love to get a piece of land and work after he gets married. This guy is middle class. My parents are poor but they have been able to support us well. This guy is of a light complexion and I am a dark skinned girl. But his parents have also accepted me. I thought his mother was a little prejudiced when she first met me, but after getting to know her, I could see that she was only testing me to see if I had ambition. I am planning to go into nursing very soon. This guy will graduate this year. My boyfriend asked me when we are going to have sex. I told him that is not on my mind. He told me that it is always on his mind but he would wait because he has learnt to control himself and he knows what to do when it's hard to control himself. He said I should not fear because he would not go to another woman.

My father calls him his son-in-law and my boyfriend likes that. Last Christmas he bought my father underpants and six handkerchiefs. He bought my mother a head tie because he observed that she likes to tie her head, and he gave me a lovely pair of shoes. I gave him nothing. I saw that he bought these gifts on Christmas morning after going to church. We do not attend the same church but he insists that we should after we get married. He wants to take me out to the north coast and he wants to ask my parents' permission.

Do you think that is a good idea to go with him for a weekend on the north coast? I am hoping to hear from you.

C.W.

Dear C.W.,

First of all, I am glad that your parents love your boyfriend and your father already calls him his son-in-law.

I am also happy that his parents have shown a likeness for you and I wish the relationship will grow. I cannot tell whether you should agree to go with him for a weekend on the north coast. I suggest, however, that if you would love to go, you should tell your mother that he wants to invite you for the weekend. You shouldn't imagine that this man is going to take you on the north coast and sleep in a separate bedroom. Common sense should tell you that this man is going to want to have sex with you. So if you are not prepared for that, you should tell him no. But I repeat, discuss the matter with your mother.

Pastor