Scared my daughter wants to have sex

Dear Pastor,

My husband and I have two children. When it comes to the discipline of the children, he leaves it up to me. At the moment, he is out of the country.

My daughter turned 16. She is doing well in school, but she likes boys. Almost all her friends are boys. Now she has told me that she wants to start dating. I strongly object to that, but in my mind I feel I might have come off too strong because she knows that I was very 'hot' when I was her age, because I told her so.

I did not have sex until I was 17 going on to 18. When my daughter asked me about going on dates, I asked her if she has ever had sex and she said no, but she would be prepared to try.

Pastor, I cannot tell her yes, and I don't want to say no. That is why I am writing you to ask for your opinion.

T.L.

Dear T.L.,

First of all, let me tell you I am happy to hear that your daughter approached you about going on dates. It seems to me that both of you have a good mother-daughter relationship.

Some girls wouldn't say anything to their parents. They would lie and say that they are going to their friends to sleep over and arrange with their friends to lie and to trick their parents. She came straight up to you and told you what she has in mind.

To some parents 16 is too young to date. And some parents think that the moment their children go on date, they will be having sex. That is not necessarily true. What I will suggest is that you try to ascertain what is the purpose of your daughter wanting to go on dates.

You see, when young people date, it is one way to learn how to socialise with the opposite sex. And learning to socialise with the opposite sex can be very healthy, and may even prevent certain problems in the years ahead when they are adults.

You have to learn to trust your daughter and to teach her how to conduct herself on dates. It would be wrong for the first time to tell her is that you are not allowing her because she is going to have sex. You should try to find out where she is going, with whom and what she know about the young man. If you are feeling nervous about it, then you should encourage her to go on group dates to begin with. Tell her to be back home at a particular time.

As she grows older, any young man who she is going out on a date with should pick her up at her home, and at the end of the date, bring her back. Use much wisdom as you counsel your daughter. Let her know that you have confidence in her and you expect her to conduct herself as a lady at all times. Tell her what is appropriate for a guy to do when she goes on a date with him.

Pastor