Uncertain about this rich man

Dear Pastor,
This is the first time I am writing to you, and I am hoping that you can help me. I have read many of the letters that you have published in your column. I did not know the day would come when I would have to write to you, but here I am.

I am 29, and I am a Christian. I grew up in a Christian home. I was engaged to get married when I was 22. I did not like the man because he was 10 years older than I was, and he was divorced. He really loved me.

My mother was pushing me to marry him because he has money. When I told this man that we should wait, he told me that he would wait if I would secretly have sex with him. I could not do that. He said if we had sex, I would get to love him and he would get me to love him. I was going to college in Mandeville, and he told me that he would pick me up early on the Friday evening. I thought he was taking me home, so I informed my parents that I was coming home.

When he came, he told me that we were going to his place and later he would take me home. I had to think very fast. I am not good at lying, but that day the lies came out without much effort. I told him that I would go with him, but I was embarrassed. So it is better for us to go to his place another day. I told him my period came that very day. So nothing could happen.

My lies convinced him. And I always have to remember the lies I told this man. Finally, I told him that I am not worthy of becoming his wife, so we broke up. He got married to another woman.
But, Pastor, this man is back. He is not getting along with his wife and he wants me back. I am giving it some thought because other guys have dated me and I have had sex with a couple of them.

ABUSIVE MAN

One well-known official and I were going very strong, but he was abusive. And although he offered to marry me, I told him I was not interested.

Sometimes I feel confused. My mother wants me to get pregnant. My father and I are very close. He is a wonderful father. I would not want to do anything to hurt my dad. The man who wanted me to agree to have sex with him quietly knew me as a virgin.

Now that he is single again, he asked me if I am still a virgin, and I told him no. But I was reluctant to tell him the truth. When I told him no, he took a long time to comment. I feel that I should give him the opportunity to get back in my life. But I am wondering why is it that he cannot keep a wife.

I told my mother what is going on, and she believes that I should try and talk to his wife to find out why they broke up. But she said I should not let him know I spoke to her. Is that a wise thing to do? I am hoping to hear from you very soon.
O.E.

Dear O.E.,
You are still a young woman. You have made some mistakes, but one thing I believe is that you want to do what is right. You are not perfect. This man who showed interest in you when you were 22 failed to get you to love him. You were quite right in rejecting him. Love cannot be bought, and you were convinced that he was trying to buy your love. The question is, has this man changed?

Is this man looking for a stable home and a stable relationship or is it that he just wants sex? When you were 22, he was eager to have sex. You didn’t give him sex. So he went on to another woman and he got married. And in the space of a few years, they have broken up. Something is not right.

In the mean time, you have had your problems. You have got involved with other men, including a well known public figure, who did not treat you well, so you broke up with him. And this man has approached you again, and is trying to convince you to look his way. You haven’t said whether or not he has children. Neither have you said that you have developed any love in your heart for him.

Therefore, I cannot encourage you to give this man a second chance in your life. Marry a man you truly love when the right time comes. And when you meet that man, you will know.
Pastor