Don't trust my mother's man

Dear Pastor,

I am 14 and I want to tell you about my problems. My mother has three of us and I am the youngest. The first child is a girl and she is living with her boyfriend.

My brother is living with his father. His father is a good man. My mother always says that he was the best man she ever had.

My father accused my mother of cheating on him when they were together. She says he was too jealous, but seeing how my mother is living, I believe she was cheating on my father.

My father supported my mother, but he was married. My mother wanted him to leave his wife and he said no.

He wanted to take me to live with him, but his wife told him that if he had me before he was married, she wouldn't have any problem with that. But he got my mother pregnant after he was married to her.

She told me I can visit my father, but she could not take me. Because of me, my father used to help my mother pay her rent and when his wife found out, she told him that he had to stop.

He continued to do it. Then my mother started to allow her man to sleep with her in the house. My father found out that a man was sleeping there, so he stopped helping my mother to pay the rent.

DOMESTIC WORK

The same man my mother was sleeping with moved in permanently. My mother does day's work and it is the money that my father gives her that she is using and helping to feed this man.

I don't want to tell my father that this man is eating his labour. I don't like living here. I spend most of my time at my grandmother's house.

When I am there I have my own room. Since this man moved in on us, only a sheet separates my bed from the bed he is sleeping with my mother. And when they think I am sleeping, I am not. I hear everything.

One day I was using the bathroom and this man pushed the door and came in on me. I complained to my mother, and she said he did not know I was in the bathroom.

He commented on my breasts. My mother told me he is not so crazy to interfere with me. My mother defends him all the time. She said he was only joking about my breasts.

Do you think I should take that as a joke? My mother is very bad, because I know that she is having an affair with another man.

I don't trust the man who is living here, he is always watching me.

E.B.

Dear E.B.,

I suggest that you tell your father that you are not happy living with your mother, and that you prefer to live with his mother. Therefore, he should ask your grandmother whether she would be willing to have you live with her.

You father has been supporting you, so I am assuming that your mother will not be willing to allow you to live with your grandmother, because your father would cease giving her money to support you. The money would go to your grandmother and you would be much more comfortable.

Judging by what you said, your mother lives carelessly. She has had a number of men in her life. And although, she has had three children, she continues to be promiscuous.

Your mother doesn't have any shame, she doesn't have good morals. She should not allow a man to be sleeping with her in the same room with you.

One little curtain cannot separate a teenager from a grown woman and a man. That does not give them enough privacy.

Unless it becomes necessary, you don't have to tell your father what you mentioned here to me. Don't be surprised if he questions you a lot.

Concerning the position his wife has taken, don't hold that against her. But be glad that she has accepted you as his daughter and that she is willing to assist you occasionally.

Your mother seems not to be satisfied with what the man she is living with is giving her. So it seems that she has another man or, perhaps, other men, with him.

I repeat, talk to your father about your present situation and tell him that you are willing to live with your grandmother.

If your mother objects to your leaving, you might be forced to tell him much more than what you would like to.

Pastor