Sleeping with two men at once

Dear Pastor,

I have found myself with two boyfriends. I am only 39 years old and women like me who have more than just one man, people have a way of condemning.

One of the men is my child's father. We were together and he got me pregnant, and then he went and married another woman.

His wife got to know me and he supports his child, but he has never left me. He has always treated me well.

I know he is not totally mine. He takes out his daughter. No fly can touch her.

I know I might sound like a bad woman, but I am not. This man gives me $30,000 every month to help me to pay my rent. I only have to put $5,000 on that for my full rent.

He said he is doing that for his daughter's sake. But I have another man in my life. So, I told him about the man and he said he did not care about that.

Only when he wants 'chocolate' do I tell the other guy not to come around because I am going to have a visitor. They know each other.

My house always has food because my child's father takes care of the rent and gives me money to send his daughter to school.

She does not have to take the bus, so I can't expect him to give me more. What I am working is small. This other guy is talking about marriage.

I would like to get married, but how am I going to get married and have my child's father in my life?

My babyfather asked me if I would give up my daughter. I don't know if I could do that.

His wife would like to have her, but I know if I consent, the $30,000 would stop and I need it. My daughter is also good company.

People see both men coming to see me and they must be wondering why I have these two men in my life. What advice would you like to give me?

B.L.

Dear B.L.,

I would say that you are a very fortunate woman. He is not only paying the rent, but he is giving you enough to send his child to school.

And all he wants from you is 'chocolate'. You did not say how often he gets his chocolate.

You know that your relationship with him is good and bad at the same time because you are setting a very bad example for your daughter.

HIS WIFE DOESN't KNOW

Do you believe that this man's wife knows that he is paying your rent? I think not.

I am not pretending that this is an easy matter. Do you think that if you stop offering this man 'chocolate' he would stop giving you money?

I doubt that he would stop, because it is not just the chocolate he wants. He believes that he is a good man and a good man ought to support his child.

So if you are bothered (as I suspect you are) about having these two men in your life, tell your daughter's father that he should move on and allow you to build a relationship with the other man.

That would be a way of testing him to see if he would quit coming to you and continuing to support his daughter.

You are a grown woman, and you know that it is unwise for you to have two men coming to your house.

You say they know about each other, but that does not remove the danger of having them come to your house.

You could never tell what your daughter's father would do, or if the other man should come and catch this man having chocolate.

There are so many women who are alone and struggling to live on small salaries. Some do extra things to earn a little more than their salary.

You can do something, too. Remember, however, that I am not condemning you at all, but I am afraid that you may cause these two men to either hurt you or do something stupid among themselves.

I would not encourage you to give your daughter over to her father and his wife.

Pastor