Still in love with my ex

October 27, 2020

Dear Pastor,

I am writing to you for the first time. I am a regular reader of your column and I see you've been doing a great job. I commend you for that.

I was in a five-year relationship that was a complete waste of time. My boyfriend and I met when he was unemployed because of a broken leg. It took some time for him to get well.

My daughter and I went to live with him and his son. Everything was going well. I have a job, so I would help to buy groceries and necessities.

He was kind and caring to my daughter and he treated me well. His family and I got along well until about four years into the relationship. Things got really bad because he did not have a steady job.

He would work two days for the month. Even though I was the sole breadwinner, he cheated on me. He started to abuse me and he became very dishonest.

He would search my phone daily. If he saw a simple 'good morning' message, he would beat me. I am from a poor background and there wasn't much space at home.

So I was forced to stay with him. Everyone in his family hated me. They would come to my workplace and disgrace me, even on the road they would abuse me.

At one point I was devastated, so I decided to leave. I went back to live with my mother and that is when I met someone else.

We were friends for four months before we got into an intimate relationship. He's the best human being I have ever met.

We eventually got together and my ex found out. He disgraced me anywhere we met. Once, he beat me and held a knife at my throat.

I wanted things to work. My ex and I had a business together and, every profit we made, I would tell him to use it and further himself. I got him a passport and a driver's licence. Plus, I gave him money three times to get his visa. I thought that things would get better and I could go back to school while he took care of the household.

My current boyfriend treats me like a queen, and his family simply adores me. I have achieved so much since I left my ex, and it hasn't even been a year.

I have made a room where my daughter and I are living comfortably. But Pastor, I am really stressed out. My ex got a job where he's making thousands of dollars weekly.

I know it's not my money, but I spent so much money taking care of him and his son, and now someone else is living my dream.

His girlfriend is attending college and I am stuck in one place. He gives her the best life and she wasn't the one who was there for him when he needed help.

To make matters worse, she is one of the girls he was cheating on me with. It really pains my heart to see them together.

I am happy in my new relationship. My boyfriend encourages me to do more and be the best version of me.

He always says that he's not just my boyfriend, but also my friend and my father, because my father died when I was young. But I am still in love with my ex. I think I'm going crazy.

I hardly sleep at nights because I spent so much money and time uplifting him and completely neglected myself. Everyone thinks I've moved on, but my feelings for him are still very strong.


Dear S.A.,

No wonder you were abused by your ex-boyfriend. Imagine you were doing so many things for him and the thanks you got from him were in blows.

How can you love a man who would beat you? Your excuse for staying with him was that you loved him. You broke up and went back to your parents, but your heart and soul are still with this man. That tells me that you love that man more than yourself. Although your present boyfriend treats you with respect, you do not love him as much as the man who abused you.

You are ungrateful to your present boyfriend, just as how your ex-boyfriend was ungrateful to you. You have to learn to be smart, and learn that you are number one.

Ask God to take away that love that you have for your ex from you. See a future without him, because he does not care about you. I wish you well.


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