My pillow is wet with tears

Dear Pastor,

I am a 27-year-old woman. I have one child and another on the way. I have been with my child's father for five years. I thought everything was going on great between us but he has deceived me. This man has had a secret affair for the past three years. Right now, the woman he is involved with is also pregnant and he wants me to accept the situation as if nothing is wrong.

He works in the rural area but we are living in Kingston at my parents' home. My father gave us the small side of the house. It has two bedrooms and all the necessary amenities. When he first got me pregnant, my father asked him if he was going to marry me and he said yes, so my father bought a stove and a refrigerator for us. A year ago, he wanted to buy a car and I discussed it with my father. My father withdrew $500,000 from his account and gave him as a loan. He told my father he will give him $25,000 per month until he has paid off the loan. He has not been consistent with the repayment.

We do not pay rent but we pay our own light bill, and I make sure that we contribute to water. My father has worked very hard. My mother does not work out. My father told me that I am careless to allow him to get me pregnant again. I lied to my father by telling him that we are going to get married in January, but that is not something that this man and I discussed. The reason why I am writing to you is because my heart is full. This man is 25 and the girl is 17 and a half. She had a boyfriend, but my boyfriend promised to give her a cell phone for her birthday, so she had unprotected sex with him. After my boyfriend got her pregnant, he tried to ignore her, but she confessed to her boyfriend that my boyfriend got her pregnant.

Pastor, I haven't had the courage to tell my parents that he got the other girl pregnant. Every time I mention it to him, I have to cry. My pillow is wet with tears. The only thing that is keeping us together is that I am pregnant with our second child and I also want him to pay back my father the money he borrowed.

The girl and her boyfriend have broken up, so he has taken over fully. When I met this man it was not just sex that I wanted. I knew many men who could have given me that. I wanted to have a stable life and live as lovingly as my parents. I am so ashamed of this man. I wasn't expecting him to cheat on me with a teenage girl. Last night I spoke to him about her and he tried to hug me and he said these things happen. Pastor, what should I do?

PREGNANT WOMAN

Dear PREGNANT WOMAN,

Your child's father is extremely careless. He has deceived you. You thought that you were having a relationship with a real man and I am sure you felt that you could put your confidence in him. He has let you down and he has also let down himself. He has brought trouble on himself and also on the 17-year-old girl. The situation is not something that you should keep from telling your parents, especially your father.

Your dad allowed this man to move into his house and he has been living there for free. I am sure that if it had not been for the love that your father has for you, he would have charged this man rent. He wanted to give you both a good start, so the money that he could have taken for rent could have been saved for both of you to purchase your own home.

I don't know what you father will do, but I know that you should inform him that the relationship is not going well because your boyfriend got another woman pregnant. I wonder how your mother feels about this situation. Perhaps you should talk to her before you talk to your father. However, I know for sure that you should not hide what has happened.

Pastor